Day 13
Talk with your spouse about healthy rules of engagement.
If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "FIGHT" by.
Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
If your spouse participated with you, what was their response? What rules did you write for yourself?
Most of the time when we fight its at the worse time. 2 am and very intoxicated. I am , but she much more than I. Her sense of reasoning is gone, and she probably angry because she didn't get her way.
Or whatever reason, she is always right in her mind.
I hate this scenario more than any setting. Pushing her buttons isn't what was intended.
If I want to go home and go to bed, its the sensible thing to do, because its late, I'm tired and its time to.
The verbal and sometimes physical fight happens when she will not stop.
When its gets to a head, I am sick of it and I want her to stop, she won't, then I want to leave.
When I get to the point when I am fuming, I see red, and its best that I leave, or go in another room UNharassed.
If I choose to go to bed, the fight should NOT follow, because I am choosing to not engage, at that time the bell should sound, and the round is over for the night. You can be mad, just leave me alone.
(When its doesn't stop, after begging, this is usually when I lose my cool, and want to distant myself.)
The next day the issue should be discussed, and buried.
My healthy rules for us both would be
1) never fight when ____________. There should be a timeout issued at whatever time the other deems so.
At that time the other should concede, and agree that there is a better time, and or place.
2) at night when its time for bed.
3) speak your mind, don't be repetitive.
4) no verbal abuse.
5) no physical contact.
6) calmly discuss your case...inside voice.
7) think before you speak. those hateful words damage forever.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Love dare day 12
Demonstrate love by willingly by choosing to give in an area of disagreement.
Tell them you are putting their preference first.
What issue did you choose?
What did giving cost you?
How will this help you in the future?
Our disagreements are fairly simple for the most part.
I gave before I read today's dare, and did something I didn't want too.
I was angry that she would listen. I did it because she wanted to.
It cost me a few dollars and a few hours sleep.
I didn't want to get pizza yesterday, but I did because she wanted pizza, and didn't feel well.
I hate to argue over anything. Sometimes its easier to agree. Agreeing doesn't mean its the best thing to do, or saves us money, it means I chose to go along with it, and not create waves.
I can still voice my discontent, and away we go.
I love you Heather, and I know our life seems mundane. Life doesn't have to be on the go all the time like our lives are. You and me time should doing whatever together, at home should be our all time favorite thing to do.
Tell them you are putting their preference first.
What issue did you choose?
What did giving cost you?
How will this help you in the future?
Our disagreements are fairly simple for the most part.
I gave before I read today's dare, and did something I didn't want too.
I was angry that she would listen. I did it because she wanted to.
It cost me a few dollars and a few hours sleep.
I didn't want to get pizza yesterday, but I did because she wanted pizza, and didn't feel well.
I hate to argue over anything. Sometimes its easier to agree. Agreeing doesn't mean its the best thing to do, or saves us money, it means I chose to go along with it, and not create waves.
I can still voice my discontent, and away we go.
I love you Heather, and I know our life seems mundane. Life doesn't have to be on the go all the time like our lives are. You and me time should doing whatever together, at home should be our all time favorite thing to do.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Love Dare day 11
Day 11...
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today?
Can you run and errand?
Give a back rub, or a foot massage?
Is there housework you could help with?
Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you", and do it with a smile!
What did you choose to show that you cherish your mate?
What did you learn from this experience?
I didn't choose the errand or do anything really special.
The light in the kitchen has been out for about a week.
I went and bought bulbs for the house inside and out. I got the kitchen lights working, and will work the outside lights too. I cherish my beautiful bride always. I hope she notices that "I do."
Sometime in normal everyday life you do things for each other that seems routine, but the fact is would you do that if it wasn't for your love for you spouse?
We both do alot for each other, and I think that is only a small part of our love for each other.
I love you Heather Elizabeth, whatever the future holds lets hold each other. It will never be as bad as it seems, may the good parts be so much better than the bad. I hope the good parts is what remember and cherish the most.
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today?
Can you run and errand?
Give a back rub, or a foot massage?
Is there housework you could help with?
Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you", and do it with a smile!
What did you choose to show that you cherish your mate?
What did you learn from this experience?
I didn't choose the errand or do anything really special.
The light in the kitchen has been out for about a week.
I went and bought bulbs for the house inside and out. I got the kitchen lights working, and will work the outside lights too. I cherish my beautiful bride always. I hope she notices that "I do."
Sometime in normal everyday life you do things for each other that seems routine, but the fact is would you do that if it wasn't for your love for you spouse?
We both do alot for each other, and I think that is only a small part of our love for each other.
I love you Heather Elizabeth, whatever the future holds lets hold each other. It will never be as bad as it seems, may the good parts be so much better than the bad. I hope the good parts is what remember and cherish the most.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Love dare day 10
Do something for your spouse out of the ordinary.
Something that proves that their love is based on your choice, and nothing else.
Wash her car, Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry.
Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
Has your love in the past been based on your spouses attributes and behavior or on your commitment?
How can you continue to show your love when its not returned in a way you hoped for.
I'm sure that I am disappointing to a certain extent. She drops hints of what I should say or do.
I miss them. She is a hopeless romantic, and I am occupied with thoughts of everyday worries.
I need to pay more attention to her needs and wants, and not worry about stuff.
I believe that she should get in return the love she shows me.
Something that proves that their love is based on your choice, and nothing else.
Wash her car, Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry.
Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
Has your love in the past been based on your spouses attributes and behavior or on your commitment?
How can you continue to show your love when its not returned in a way you hoped for.
I'm sure that I am disappointing to a certain extent. She drops hints of what I should say or do.
I miss them. She is a hopeless romantic, and I am occupied with thoughts of everyday worries.
I need to pay more attention to her needs and wants, and not worry about stuff.
I believe that she should get in return the love she shows me.
Love Dare day 9
Think of a specific way you 'd like to greet your spouse today.
Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm.
Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting?
How will you change your greeting from this point on?
I feel like such a heel.
I came home from a 12 hour shift tired, and ready for sleep.
I hadn't even read this dare yet.
I was not in the spirit of this dare at all.
She comes out all bubbly with a huge smile on her face.
Really happy, and glad to see me.
This greeting never happens with this much enthusiasm.
Not having read it yet, I couldn't stop thinking, oh no what did she do?
What does she want?
I never asked figuring it pertained to the love dare.
Seeing her this way made me happy to think how much she loves me.
I owe her one. Well not just one. From now on every time, anywhere.
Lord let me be as good as a person as she can be.
Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm.
Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting?
How will you change your greeting from this point on?
I feel like such a heel.
I came home from a 12 hour shift tired, and ready for sleep.
I hadn't even read this dare yet.
I was not in the spirit of this dare at all.
She comes out all bubbly with a huge smile on her face.
Really happy, and glad to see me.
This greeting never happens with this much enthusiasm.
Not having read it yet, I couldn't stop thinking, oh no what did she do?
What does she want?
I never asked figuring it pertained to the love dare.
Seeing her this way made me happy to think how much she loves me.
I owe her one. Well not just one. From now on every time, anywhere.
Lord let me be as good as a person as she can be.
Love Dare day 8
Determine to become your spouses biggest fan, and to reject jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements. Take yesterdays list of negative attributes, and burn it.
Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success they recently enjoyed.
How hard was it to destroy the list?
What are some positive expediences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate?
How can you encourage them towards future successes?
This dare also talk about jealousy. I get jealous every so often, but nothing serious.
I trust her with all my being that she will not ever cheat or leave me for another.
I let her read the negative list because it was things she already knew, and was working on.
I let them be a positive. It my life experiences its best not to stay mad, and rehash things that make you angry,
especially at the one you love the most.
Best friends are people you can confide in, your spouse should be the first person you confide in, not your friends. You can talk to your friends about things that have to do with your spouse, but they should never be bad, or negative. Their reputation should always come first. Their image is your image what you make them look like in other people's eyes, from what you have told your friends about you spouse.
Don't talk bad about them, put them on a pedestal, as an idol.
Worship them as you would like to be.
Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success they recently enjoyed.
How hard was it to destroy the list?
What are some positive expediences that you can celebrate in the life of your mate?
How can you encourage them towards future successes?
This dare also talk about jealousy. I get jealous every so often, but nothing serious.
I trust her with all my being that she will not ever cheat or leave me for another.
I let her read the negative list because it was things she already knew, and was working on.
I let them be a positive. It my life experiences its best not to stay mad, and rehash things that make you angry,
especially at the one you love the most.
Best friends are people you can confide in, your spouse should be the first person you confide in, not your friends. You can talk to your friends about things that have to do with your spouse, but they should never be bad, or negative. Their reputation should always come first. Their image is your image what you make them look like in other people's eyes, from what you have told your friends about you spouse.
Don't talk bad about them, put them on a pedestal, as an idol.
Worship them as you would like to be.
Love Dare day 7
As you can tell if you have read my blog. I am not a prolific dramatic writer. I am best as stating facts to the point and quickly without fancy words.
Love Dare Day 7 :
Get 2 sheets of paper, on one write positive things about your spouse.
One the other write negative things.
Place both sheets in a secret place.
Which list was easier to make?
What did this reveal about your thoughts?
What attribute did you thanks your spouse for having?
Both lists were easier to fill out no one is perfect.
I don't live on the negative side, its better health wise to not be that way.
When things aren't going your way its best to not worry about it if you can't control it.
If you can, do something about it. Complaining isn't something I do well.
I do complain, but I don't usually repeat myself. I shouldn't have to.
The negative list I turned into a total positive. We are all different. What bothers one person, that leads then to dislike you. Another may fall in love with that quirk, attribute, whatever you want to call it..
You never know?
I say be yourself, for yourself.
Who's to judge you?
As long as what you do, you do in Jesus name, and you do good things and not commit sin. Treat people like you want to be treated.
I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I do things in moderation that I don't believe that are bad things.
Well except for smoking, its a nasty habit I wish I would have never started.
On closing I think that this love dare has helped my relationship with my beautiful bride so far.
I haven't read ahead. I am 3 days behind on my blog.
Love Dare Day 7 :
Get 2 sheets of paper, on one write positive things about your spouse.
One the other write negative things.
Place both sheets in a secret place.
Which list was easier to make?
What did this reveal about your thoughts?
What attribute did you thanks your spouse for having?
Both lists were easier to fill out no one is perfect.
I don't live on the negative side, its better health wise to not be that way.
When things aren't going your way its best to not worry about it if you can't control it.
If you can, do something about it. Complaining isn't something I do well.
I do complain, but I don't usually repeat myself. I shouldn't have to.
The negative list I turned into a total positive. We are all different. What bothers one person, that leads then to dislike you. Another may fall in love with that quirk, attribute, whatever you want to call it..
You never know?
I say be yourself, for yourself.
Who's to judge you?
As long as what you do, you do in Jesus name, and you do good things and not commit sin. Treat people like you want to be treated.
I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I do things in moderation that I don't believe that are bad things.
Well except for smoking, its a nasty habit I wish I would have never started.
On closing I think that this love dare has helped my relationship with my beautiful bride so far.
I haven't read ahead. I am 3 days behind on my blog.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Love Dare Day 6
Love is not irratable.
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage with loving ways instead of irritation.
Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule.
Then list any wrong motivations the you need to release from your life.
I usually react good to Heather. Usually when she interrupts me doing something, to do something that she could have done for herself, that bugs me, and I usually tell her, you could have done that yourself.
Working shift work there is alot of margin there. We both spend too much time on the computer.
She gets her "her time" when I am at work. I don't consider my "me time" when I am work.
So I never get me time unless I take it in the studio just to go back there and jam by myself.
Lately I haven't felt like it. I have been a little depressed about things and the passion for playing isn't what it once was. I really need to get back to practicing, I'm a slouch.
Doesn't help our margins any. I guess I need to let her sleep in and get back there with head phones on so I don't disturb her. I'll have my ME TIME, she gets to sleep in still. Ha ha!
The margins for us time is pretty good window. I guess we should use it better.
Wrong motivations, well lets see, hmmm...
I think there is something personally we both have agreed upon, and will put it to the test this weekend.
I'm sure that we can do what we said we would do. I think this is bad for both of us.
We could be saving more money.
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage with loving ways instead of irritation.
Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule.
Then list any wrong motivations the you need to release from your life.
I usually react good to Heather. Usually when she interrupts me doing something, to do something that she could have done for herself, that bugs me, and I usually tell her, you could have done that yourself.
Working shift work there is alot of margin there. We both spend too much time on the computer.
She gets her "her time" when I am at work. I don't consider my "me time" when I am work.
So I never get me time unless I take it in the studio just to go back there and jam by myself.
Lately I haven't felt like it. I have been a little depressed about things and the passion for playing isn't what it once was. I really need to get back to practicing, I'm a slouch.
Doesn't help our margins any. I guess I need to let her sleep in and get back there with head phones on so I don't disturb her. I'll have my ME TIME, she gets to sleep in still. Ha ha!
The margins for us time is pretty good window. I guess we should use it better.
Wrong motivations, well lets see, hmmm...
I think there is something personally we both have agreed upon, and will put it to the test this weekend.
I'm sure that we can do what we said we would do. I think this is bad for both of us.
We could be saving more money.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Love Dare day 5
Ask you Spouse to tell you 3 things that cause them to be uncomfortable, or irritated with you.
To start off, neither of us are perfect. I didn't want to come off as being anal critical, because she wanted to be able to blog what I had a problem with. She didn't want to write about the issues I had.
So what the use of doing this if I can't be open and honest?
I'm a laid back, easy to get along with kinda guy. Ok. Lets agree that you understand whats bothers me.
Aight great! I felt bad that I came up with more. I didn't want to be critical, and I know it came off that way.
We have some work to do. I made some suggestions, and it will take some work on eliminating those bad habits.
I was surprised that she had problems coming up with 3 things that I do that irritate her.
Gosh I could come up with a hundred. LOL!
I do love her, and her imperfections. I love her infectious laugh, and smile. Her innocent side, and her not so innocent side. Her personality bubbles over. Its funny how people are tho.
Most love her, those that don't are missing out.
To start off, neither of us are perfect. I didn't want to come off as being anal critical, because she wanted to be able to blog what I had a problem with. She didn't want to write about the issues I had.
So what the use of doing this if I can't be open and honest?
I'm a laid back, easy to get along with kinda guy. Ok. Lets agree that you understand whats bothers me.
Aight great! I felt bad that I came up with more. I didn't want to be critical, and I know it came off that way.
We have some work to do. I made some suggestions, and it will take some work on eliminating those bad habits.
I was surprised that she had problems coming up with 3 things that I do that irritate her.
Gosh I could come up with a hundred. LOL!
I do love her, and her imperfections. I love her infectious laugh, and smile. Her innocent side, and her not so innocent side. Her personality bubbles over. Its funny how people are tho.
Most love her, those that don't are missing out.
Love dare Day 4
Contact your spouse sometime today during the business of the day.
Have no agenda other than asking how they are doing, and if there is anything you could do for them.
I was off yesterday, so the communication part of the dare was face to face.
I probably could have done more for her. She hates doing some chores.
Ok well all chores. LOL. I didn't feel the message of this dare was to do EVEYTHING for her.
I washed, dried, hung-up, and folded a load of clothes for her. I didn't ask, it just needed doing.
With this being an on going process, I suppose I could do them for her more often when I am off.
I don't mind household chores. It probably be more fun of we did them together.
The only thing that she has done that embarrassed me was to not quit talking when she needed to.
When she realized what happened she became irate and stormed out.
She needs to think before she speaks, and not ramble on.
I love her dearly.I would proudly take her anywhere.
We are working towards being better Christians, stopping some current bad habits, and working toward enjoying each others company more often than we do. Spending more time at home and doing tasks together at the house. Then relaxing watching a movie or playing a game. We used to play dominoes alot with the neighbors we have gotten away from that. It was fun, we should start doing it again.
Have no agenda other than asking how they are doing, and if there is anything you could do for them.
I was off yesterday, so the communication part of the dare was face to face.
I probably could have done more for her. She hates doing some chores.
Ok well all chores. LOL. I didn't feel the message of this dare was to do EVEYTHING for her.
I washed, dried, hung-up, and folded a load of clothes for her. I didn't ask, it just needed doing.
With this being an on going process, I suppose I could do them for her more often when I am off.
I don't mind household chores. It probably be more fun of we did them together.
The only thing that she has done that embarrassed me was to not quit talking when she needed to.
When she realized what happened she became irate and stormed out.
She needs to think before she speaks, and not ramble on.
I love her dearly.I would proudly take her anywhere.
We are working towards being better Christians, stopping some current bad habits, and working toward enjoying each others company more often than we do. Spending more time at home and doing tasks together at the house. Then relaxing watching a movie or playing a game. We used to play dominoes alot with the neighbors we have gotten away from that. It was fun, we should start doing it again.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day 3- Love Dare
Day 3
I couldn't log on the blogger on my laptop.
I will work on it today.
Whatever you put you time, energy, and money into will become more important to you.
It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse something that says I was thinking about you today.
What did you choose to give your spouse?
It was valentines day. I didn't buy her anything. I was extra considerate, went on a motorcycle ride with her, and a couple friends, and had lunch.
We napped for an hour or so. Ate dinner.
Took her out to our neighborhood bar, had some drinks, played a bowling game.
We had a great time with friends. Today we will have some alone time, just she and I.
I know in my heart that I deeply love my wife. I feel like I should have bought some candy yesterday?
I guess I feel guilty this morning because the Dare said to buy each other a little something, and it was Valentines day...
:-(
She knows finances are in the tank.
I need her to say no, when we don't need to be spending money, bills, come first.
I couldn't log on the blogger on my laptop.
I will work on it today.
Whatever you put you time, energy, and money into will become more important to you.
It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse something that says I was thinking about you today.
What did you choose to give your spouse?
It was valentines day. I didn't buy her anything. I was extra considerate, went on a motorcycle ride with her, and a couple friends, and had lunch.
We napped for an hour or so. Ate dinner.
Took her out to our neighborhood bar, had some drinks, played a bowling game.
We had a great time with friends. Today we will have some alone time, just she and I.
I know in my heart that I deeply love my wife. I feel like I should have bought some candy yesterday?
I guess I feel guilty this morning because the Dare said to buy each other a little something, and it was Valentines day...
:-(
She knows finances are in the tank.
I need her to say no, when we don't need to be spending money, bills, come first.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Love Dare Day 2.
Day one made us realize how hard this Love Dare thing is.
Day two, my act of kindness was I didn't kill her last night.
Just kiddin'.
LOL
My act of kindness will be simple. I hope she likes it.
Happy Vday baby !
If love making is the best after a fight, I want to make it better.
:-)
:-P
Day two, my act of kindness was I didn't kill her last night.
Just kiddin'.
LOL
My act of kindness will be simple. I hope she likes it.
Happy Vday baby !
If love making is the best after a fight, I want to make it better.
:-)
:-P
Love Dare day 1
TODAY'S DARE:
Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our WORDS often reflect the condition of our heart.
For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience, and say nothing negative to you spouse at all.
IF THE TEMPTATION ARISES, choose not to say anything.
It's better to HOLD YOUR TONGUE THAN TO SAY SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET.
Did anything happen today to cause you anger towards you mate?
Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts, and to let them come out in words?
I think I did ok. I thought I was patient. Apparently I wasn't.
Sorry you feel the way you did baby.
I do love you, and you are first chair.
Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our WORDS often reflect the condition of our heart.
For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience, and say nothing negative to you spouse at all.
IF THE TEMPTATION ARISES, choose not to say anything.
It's better to HOLD YOUR TONGUE THAN TO SAY SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET.
Did anything happen today to cause you anger towards you mate?
Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts, and to let them come out in words?
I think I did ok. I thought I was patient. Apparently I wasn't.
Sorry you feel the way you did baby.
I do love you, and you are first chair.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Love Dare
What is a true friend? A true friend says what they think their friend needs to hear even when they know that their friend may get angry. A true friend doesn't leave because they are afraid to be with you. A true friend doesn't leave when the fun stops and things get uncomfortable There are just of few of the values that real friends hold dear. In short, A true friend recognizes the value of the friendship and holds it sacred. The same goes as with a marriage =) My wife and I are doing the Love Dare together. She asked I get a blog. So, here it is =) I want to be able to comment on her blog and read her daily progress with the Love Dare. We started day one today....
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